The Gift
by ELLEBELLE21
Summary: Noah returns home to the Snyder Farm for Christmas...this is thr first time coming back since he left for L.A.
1. The Return

Pulling up to the Snyder's was totally surreal. It had only been four months since he had left but Noah couldn't seem to shake the anxiety that he was feeling. Thinking about the day he left and what he said to Luke brought all of Noah's old feelings up. He loved him and he wanted him back, he knew he would always want that. All that was left was for Luke to realize that he still loved him. Noah smiled to himself Christmas at the Snyder's was a great way to help get him and Luke back on track. Grabbing his bag Noah opened his truck door and stepped out, looking around he loved that during the time he was gone nothing had physically changed all that much. Walking up to the enclosed porch Noah could hear the load noise of the Snyder's who were already there. Taking a deep breath he reached for the door handle and opened the door. Of course Natalie was the first to spot Noah, bending down to her level he opened his arms as a welcome for her to run and hug him. Once his arms were around the small girl he realized that he hadn't breathed since he opened the door. It wasn't until Natalie let out a small cry of delight did anyone notice that Noah had arrived. Once the others in the room saw him they all gathered around him asking how he was and how the film he had been working on out in California was coming along. Noah took a moment to look at the faces in the room. He noticed Jack and Carly how was barely showing only being four months pregnant. Holden and Lily looked happy as they fussed over Noah's things in between giving him a hug and telling him how glad they were to have him home. At that moment Noah realized that the one person he was dying to see wasn't there. As if he could read he mind Holden took Noah's arm and lead him down the hall into the living room and had Noah sit down on the sofa.

"He isn't home yet. Noah, and to be honest I'm still not sure that this was the best idea not telling him about you coming home." Holden could see that that wasn't what Noah had wanted to hear, but Holden had to think of his son and his feelings. "It's not that I don't want you here, you know that right"? Holden waited until Noah nodded his head before he continued. "It has taken him a few months to stop breaking down and crying over Reid, I'm just so worried that you're going to be hurt if Luke can't give you what you want Noah".

"I would never pressure him, I love him." Noah knew that his voice was barely audible but he knew that Holden had heard him. Ever since Noah had left the Snyder family still reached out to Noah let him know that he still had a family and that he would never be alone, but what Noah really wanted deep down in his core was Luke and it scared him that Holden could look at him just a moment and read that in him.

"I know you do son, that's why I'm concerned Noah. He loves you too; he is just drowning in his own guilt and pity. I wish I knew what was right. Maybe you are exactly what he needs Noah… I just don't know." Holden was looking and Noah hoping he would have some answer that would ease Holden's mind, but Noah knew that it wasn't that easy he knew that the next couple of days were going to be hard … Holden and Noah were sitting in silence when they heard a coarse of voices welcoming the last Snyder home. They looked one another in the eyes when they heard Luke's voice,

"Where is he, where is Noah"?


	2. Where is he?

Luke hadn't even noticed the truck as he pulled up close to the farm house, with all the cars that were already there Noah's truck blended in. It wasn't until he noticed the California license plate that it was Noah's. His breath caught in his chest. Luke had missed Noah, deep in the core of his being he had missed him, but there was always a part of Luke that wouldn't let himself call Noah after he moved. In fact if Luke was honest with himself he would have to admit that he hated that Noah had missed thanksgiving with the family but did know how to reach out to Noah. Luke turned and looked at the house; he was in there waiting for him. Luke hadn't even noticed the small smile playing on his lips and the thought. It wasn't until he reached the porch that the gut wrenching pain over took him again. How could he be happy, this was the first Christmas that Reid would never celebrate. Over the last few months Luke realized that though he did very much love Reid, he had to admit that he was never in love with him… he wasn't given the chance to fall in love with Reid due to the accident that took his life. As the days marched on Luke knew that he was still in love with Noah, but he didn't know if there was a way to ever fix what they had both broken. In Luke's mind he just wasn't sure he could handle another fall out with the man he so desperately loved. Walking to the door he took one last deep breath and opened the door. He was trying to prepare himself to see the face that he had so long missed, but in the crowd of Snyder's Noah wasn't there.

"Where is he, where is Noah"? Luke knew he was being rude not telling everyone hi and giving out his usual round of hugs, but he need to see those beautiful blue eyes. He needed his Noah.

"He is in with your dad in the living room sweetheart, why don't you go on in and say hi". Granma Emma had always been able to read he grandson, and at this moment he was so glad that she had that ability. Taking deliberate steps Luke hurried down the hall toward the family room where he knew Noah and his dad where at. Stepping into the room Luke felt like someone had hit him in the stomach; at the sound of his entrance Noah turn his gaze to Luke. '_He is so much more beautiful than I had remembered… California looks amazing on him. His brown luscious locks were slightly out grown in a sexy way that made his bangs hang in Noah's eyes giving him a bit of a mysterious edge to his gorgeous face._' Luke willed those kinds of thoughts from his mind, he couldn't go there they had both moved on and for all he knew Noah may have already found his replacement out there in L.A.

"Luke…" Noah stood up and took a step toward Luke; Noah had never seen Luke look so horrible. The once lively boy he fell madly in love with seemed to be gone. Noah had never felt such a rage in his whole life. He turned to Holden wanting to scream at the fact that no one told him how badly Luke was dealing with the death of Reid. Noah hated himself for wanting to get him back, he could see now that Luke was still deeply mourning the loss of his partner. Grief settled heavily in Noah's heart, he had to help Luke and then he needed to get back to L.A. and try to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.

"Hi Noah" Luke held out his arms needing to feel the warmth that only Noah could provide. It took Noah only two small strides to be in Luke's arms. They both reviled in the fact that they were holding each other again and neither of the boys noticed Holden's silent departure.


	3. Escape

Luke was lost in Noah's hold; he hadn't realized how much he had needed Noah's strength throughout the last few months. It was still hard for Luke to think back to their last day at WOAK. Telling Noah to go… that sucked, but Luke didn't know what to do. Noah had to start fresh and Luke was still grieving. Their foundation was just too broken to rebuild at that point so Luke told him to go. But now having Noah standing in his Granma's living room everything clicked into place just like old times. This was right but he didn't know how to fix them. It was all too new.

"Luke..I..You should have called me". Luke could hear the heartbreak in Noah's voice and felt a trimmer go through him. Luke had forgotten how bad he looked until he looked into Noah's eyes and saw the worry there.

"Noah, you don't have to worry about me". Pulling out of Noah's grasp Luke took a few steps back a wrapped his own arms around himself. It was slowly killing him to have Noah so close but realizing that they had never been so far from each other.

"Don't have to worry! Are you insane?" Noah hadn't meant to yell but as looked at the boy he loved so much, with the sunken in check bones and dark circles under his eyes the only thing Noah could do was worry. Fear for Luke's health jumped into the front of his mind, was he taking care of himself… _stupid_ _question Mayor of course not look at him he looks like he has slept since he left_. "Luke how could you think that I would worry about you, do you think so little me?" Noah hated feeling like an ocean separated them, verses just the few actual feet. He wished that he wasn't afraid to grab a hold of Luke and crush him back to his chest.

"Noah, of course I don't think that but… Noah". Luke could tell Noah was about to crack. _Funny_, Luke thought to himself; _I still know when Noah is about to reach his boiling point_. Walking toward Noah, Luke reached out his hand and cupped his face. He had missed this, just being able to touch him whenever he wanted. Luke wasn't prepared for the flash of Reid's face to race threw his mind. The sudden image made Luke jerk back his hand as if he had been burned. In his moment of guilt Luke didn't see the look of pure agony that ran across Noah's face.

That moment was the worst Noah had felt since the day he saw Luke kiss Reid though the window. The mere touch brought physical pain to Luke. Noah's mind was racing searching for any escape. He had to get out, needed to escape the suffocating feeling. "I shouldn't have come". With one last look at Luke, Noah walk past he and out of the room. He didn't stop when the rest of the Snyder's looked at him when he entered the kitchen, or when Holden reached for his arm.

"Noah, wait son." Noah only shook his head. He was so close to shedding the tears that had formed in his eyes. He refused to break down here. Not in front of Luke's family.

"Holden let Noah go." Noah silently thanked Emma with his eyes and reached for the door and walked out. Climbing in his truck Noah started the engine and blindly drove away from the farm and away from Luke.


	4. Choices

Luke was at a loss for words. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Turning he ran toward the kitchen hoping that someone had stopped him. _He can't be gone please I just got he back. I should've stopped him told him that it wasn't his fault, not this time! _Luke came to a sudden stop in the kitchen, his mother and father wouldn't look him in the eyes and Grandma Emma was comforting a distraught Natalie. _He's gone._

Holden walked to him and put his arms around his shaking son, in the back of his mind Holden blamed himself; he should have never planted any doubt in Noah's head but more importantly in his heart. If he had ruined the chance for his son to be happy again he would never forgive himself.

"Luke, I'm so sorry. We just thought it was best to let him cool down."

"He left, he isn't cooling down somewhere, I'm such an idiot." Holden could see the tears forming in his son's eyes he need to get the younger kids out of the kitchen so the adults could speak. "Faith, can you and Parker take the kids into the living room and watch a movie." The tone of his voice told her not to argue.

"Yeah, okay let's go guys…" pulling Parker's arm Faith took the younger ones into the living room.

Guiding Luke to a chair Holden took the one across from him at the table. Some of the other adults had cleared out and only Lily, Holden and Luke were left. Lily and Holden shared a worried look before the joined hands and reached out to Luke. Grabbing his hand tightly Holden spoke first, "Luke, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah." Luke was still trying to catch his breath. It felt like his heart was bleeding, but there was no way to fix it. Looking at his parents he knew they were worried, he was too. His head and his heart were in constant conflict because he didn't know how to let go of Reid.

"Do you know who you want?" Holden didn't want to pressure his son but he also knew that the way Luke had been living the past few months wasn't healthy and though tragic Reid was gone and he wasn't going to come back. Holden wasn't prepared for the anguished sob that came from his son, Lily jumped up from her seat to go encircle her son in her arms. Holden stood up and went to his family, holding them close. No one had noticed that Ethan had sucked back in holding a large duffle bag. Tugging on his father's shirt tail Ethan waited until Holden looked down at him.

"What is it buddy, aren't you suppose to be watching a movie"? Holden looked at his son a finally noticed the bag. "Ethan what do you have"? By now Luke had his crying under control and noticed the bag in his little brother's hand.

"It's Noah's he left it."

Author's Note: thanks for reading not my favorite chapter but I needed a transition chapter and this was the only way I could think of.


	5. Fighting

'_Shit how could have left my bag!'_ Noah had been driving for hours not sure where he was going. He knew he was going to have to go back, all he stuff was there, his movie project that that he had been so excited to show Luke was there.

"Damn it!" He knew yelling didn't make the situation better but he was so lost in his pain, that yell was his only comfort. In his mind he had known Holden was right, he shouldn't have put Luke in that position. Noah had eyes, he could see that Luke looked horrible and yet he still pressed him trying to force his hand. Now it was too late and to fucking make matters worse he was going to have to go back. Taking a look at the passing sign he realized he was coming back into town, though not ready to head to the farm Noah made a quick turn and headed for Yo's… he needed a drink. Parking his truck in the lot he got out and slammed the door and walked toward the entrance. He had even missed this place, the smell the load music, and hang out with Luke there. Walking up to the bar he grabbed one of the last bar stools and took a sit. Once he ordered his drink Noah let his eyes roam across the bar. He wasn't prepared for meeting the eyes of an old friend across the room. "Dusty!" Noah yelled over the loud music and waved his hand.

"Noah, O my gosh!" Dusty had stood up and walked over to the younger man. It had been awhile since Noah had last seen Dusty, but it was like old times. "How are you doing Noah? How is L.A.?" Dusty grabbed the other remaining stool and sat down.

"It has been great, I'm glad I went." Noah hoped that his friend couldn't tell that he was lying to his face, Noah just didn't feel right about unloading on Dusty once again about Luke.

"Come on Noah, I've known you a long time. Something is eating at you what's going on? Is the movie not working out?" Noah felt his heart tug, secretly he want to tell Dusty everything because other than Luke Dusty was the one person he could trust with his secrets.

"No, the movie is fine… great actually." With a sigh Noah finally looked Dusty in the eyes.

"I know that look Noah, how is he doing?"

"Not good, if fact it's really bad." Noah hated how emotional he sounded but he could find the will power to hide it anymore. Luke had always been his saving grace even after all the stupid crazy shit that constantly tried to keep them a part, but this time Noah didn't know if there was a way back.

"I haven't really talked to him, with Janet and the baby at home I don't get out much. Noah did you come home for him?" Dusty knew how to hit um hard with the direct questions.

"I love him."

"Then fight for him, everyday fight for him. Noah, he loves you! At the memorial service for Reid he looked so lost. So I walked up and hugged him he told me he wished you were there, wait Noah don't look like that you needed to go!" Dusty held up a hand when Noah was about to blame himself for not being there for Luke. "He told me you gave the best hugs, that he always felt safe in your arms. What you need to do his make him feel safe again."

Standing up from his stool, he gave Dusty a quick hug. "I have to go!"

"Where are you going?" Dusty asked, though he thought he already knew the answer.

"Home." Noah rushed out to his truck and hopped in he was ready to fight!


	6. Realizing

Luke had been looking out the window for hours, his mind racing _where is he?_ Luke had finally felt hope when he saw his brother drag in Noah's duffle bag into the kitchen. He couldn't leave his stuff here and go home. Reaching back over Luke unzipped the bag and looked inside. The smell was uniquely Noah and it made Luke miss him all the more, he wanted him home wanted to wrap his arms around him and tell him that he wasn't in love with Reid, he had left him go a long time ago. He just needed help putting him to rest. Pushing the clothes back Luke pulled out the movie case that laid at the bottom of the bag. He opened it and put the DVD in the player. The screen came up and it was Noah's face staring back at him. It was Noah setting in an editing room looking at the camera smiling like a crazy person.

'_Luke if you're watching this it means you have just made me the happiest person on the planet! I love you, I always have. Even after all the stupid things we do to each other we always end up right back here. I made this for you because you're the only person who has touched me in such a way that allows me to be absolutely free. Thank you Luke, thank you for letting me back in.'_

_ The credits rolled and the movie played out. The film that Noah had made for him was a romantic classic where the hero who pushed the love of his life into the arms of another man had to deal with his mistakes and it wasn't until they had both realized what they were missing did they allow themselves to be honest and tell each other they still love one another._

Luke sat in shock as tears rolled down his face. He had known that when he had told Noah that he loved Reid it had hurt him, but he had no idea how anguished he was. At that part in the film when the hero contemplated suicide was the hardest thing Luke had ever watched. The thought of never seeing Noah again made Luke's heart constrict, losing Reid had been hard but to lose Noah was unimaginable. Getting up he took the movie out of the player and put it back in the case. He wasn't supposed to have seen this yet, he was… Wait Noah had said if I was watching this it was because I had made him the happiest man on the planet. "He still loves me. That's why he came home, he wants me back!" Luke's heart soared at the thought of Noah still loving him and wanting him. Then reality crashed in, that's why he left. He thinks I'm still in love with Reid. He grabbed his keys and his phone and headed for the door. He had to find Noah he had to explain that that wasn't true he didn't love Reid, he loved Noah.


	7. Goodbyes

Luke had been everywhere, looking Noah. He had never felt such a panic like he was feeling right now. It all made since to him, he felt so stupid for not realizing what he had done to Noah earlier. _What must he be thinking_? That was what was killing Luke. As if it wasn't bad enough that Luke had crushed Noah's heart when he left him for Reid, but now that Reid was gone he was still tormenting Noah. It wasn't any wonder that Luke was an awful boyfriend; he never saw the bigger picture. It had taken Reid's death to make Luke realize that he had never really felt that same burning passion that he had with Noah. When they were together in was white hot, passion mixed with love and devotion. Noah was able to keep his world whole and right, but in all the messiness of the past year he let all of that get in the way. Luke didn't even realize he had driven out to the cemetery, but as he pulled down the familiar path he parked his car and got out. He hadn't been to so Reid's grave in over a week but now he felt as if Reid was calling to him reaching out for one last chat.

"Noah's back, you have to be pissed." Luke smiled down at the grave. He missed him he always would; Reid was not only his partner but they were friends also. "I know what you thinking, '_He's going to hurt me, push me away again_.' But I think this is truly different". Luke was silently begging for some sort of sign that is was okay to move on. He needed to let Reid go completely so he could move on and love Noah the right way.

"He'd want you to be happy honey". Luke was startled by the voice from behind him. He knew instantly who spoke to him. Tears sprang to his eyes, she had been such a comfort in the days and weeks after Reid had died. "I know you think it is wrong to love Noah again… but he would never ask you to give that up for him, and I think you know that". Katie had walked up beside Luke and put her arm around his waist.

"It's like, why do I get the second change to go on?" Luke swiped at the moisture on his face. It wasn't that he didn't want the chance be with Noah, he would do anything for that. It just didn't seem to be the fair thing. Reid died a hero, Luke did nothing. "Reid was so much braver than me". Looking down at the headstone he felt new tears sliding down his face.

"Really, because I think, no I know it is hard to go on. Luke when I lost Brad I thought my whole life was over. I didn't want to get up in the morning and I sure as heck didn't want to go through the motions of living." Katie looked into Luke's desperate eyes, and felt herself drowning with him. "But I did. I got up and I got dressed, and I went to work, and I became the mom that Jacob deserved". Luke watched as Katie wiped her own tears and pulled her close. She had lost so much in life and yet here she was surviving… and in love again.

"Katie, when did loving Chris get easier? I mean I've always loved Noah… that has never been the problem. But a man is dead and I feel like I have to keep him alive."

"That's not you job anymore honey. Reid is gone, and though I miss him and still love him he isn't coming back. He would never have wanted you to feel like his keeper; in fact he would have hated that. It's time to let him go, but I think you already knew that didn't you?" She held his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Let him go, Luke."

Stepping away from Katie Luke moved closer to Reid's headstone. Kneeling down he placed his hand on the cold surface. This was harder that he had imagined, but he knew that this was the time.

"Reid, we didn't really get the shot that we both so desperately wanted. I let myself fall so easily in love with you because you were so much different than Noah, and I think I had needed that… Needed you. I love him Reid, and I know you won't hate me, but I wanted to tell you, I needed to let you go so I could fully be with him." Tears that Luke wasn't prepared for rushed down his face as he felt the pressure of Katie's hand in his shoulder. "He is my soul mate. He has had my heart since before I had ever met him. Thank you Reid for helping me grow up, I needed it. I love you and I miss you." Getting to his feet he wrapped his arms around Katie and let her hold him.

"Come on Luke, it's time to find Noah and make this right. Are you ready?" Katie had a smile on her face, one that seemed to give the impression that she knew something that he didn't.

"Yes, I am ready". And for the first time in a long time Luke felt free.


End file.
